after a bit of peyote cactii...

Specially for Tao, here are my new inventions:

It's a WAP device that tells you when people are lying and is made entirely of wood.
It's a business card! It encrypts all of its data!
It's a computer monitor that's made of rubber, connects to the Internet and holds up to twenty cigarettes.
It's a crematorium that purifies water, emits dangerous radiation and works at any altitude.
It's a wastepaper basket that loves children, jams mobile phone frequencies and cannot be moved.
It's a mattress that hangs upside-down from the ceiling and is built and maintained by tiny nano-robots.
It's an alcoholic drink that dispenses tea or coffee! It is made from recycled cardboard and keeps you warm at night.
It's a small plastic pyramid that's only visible under ultraviolet light and exists in five dimensions.
It's like a normal suppository, but it keeps drinks cold.
It's like a normal human clone, but it can be used by several people at once.
It's a parachute that's smaller than a matchbox!
It's a security camera that fits in your pocket, can be used to scrape ice off of windscreens and can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds.